THE TRIQUETRA OF LIFE: Wisdom, Wealth, and Wellness

​AI promises to reduce or eliminate many service jobs, and that would include psychologists, psychiatrists, and priests. 

Put your money in the bill slot, answer a few questions, and take five minutes to divulge all. Then pray the ‘Heartily sorry’ for a valid absolution.

Your sobbing sentiments, intonations, and verbal emphasis will be measured and scored for true repentance. We save your voiceprint and facial gestures. We should be able to determine if you’re faking it, but then, if you are, why bother with this sacred ritual? Save your $20. 

If you score high enough, and believe in the Real Presence, you can press the white button to dispense a blessed Eucharist, the Body of our Lord. Red vintage wine, the Blood of Christ, will be dispensed in a one ounce paper cup, and it’s not the cheap stuff you sip from an infectious chalice.

Otherwise, confess again in 24 hours. We ‘ll know it’s you. We’re open 24/7, so you can come at your own convenience. No waiting in long lines.

A severe lack of priests won’t matter anymore. Our wise, compassionate holograms will always be here for you, day or night, not just Saturdays.